Recognizing and leveraging coaching moments: Relationships drive results

Relationships impact results in organizations, as we encounter numerous coaching moment opportunities on a daily basis. Effective leaders and managers recognize and leverage coaching moments to increase engagement and influence results.

Coaching moments are day-to-day opportunities to become involved so as to impact individuals, as well as teams, through listening, asking questions, and providing insight, encouragement and support. We can leverage coaching moments to help employees contribute and succeed.

In the video clip below from the movie The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi presents an example of a coaching moment through putting the tasks performed by Daniel into a bigger perspective, which has a lasting impact on Daniel’s future potential.

Coaching moment opportunities exist for all employees whether or not they are strong performers, so in order to be effective, it is critical that we recognize differing coaching moments and shift coaching approaches accordingly.

In addition to specific tactics for four coaching moments described below, there are a few important common points we want to incorporate into our approaches:

1)    Be authentic

2)    Focus on behaviors

3)    Listen and ask questions  first, then talk

4)    Collaborate, instead of dictate

5)    Share feedback and acknowledge progress.

Strong performers, those who are performing well and eager to take on more, seek feedback, encouragement, and developmental opportunities in their coaching moments. It’s important to avoid pitfalls such as deferring performance reviews and discussions, providing little or no positive encouragement, and allowing day-to-day tasks to fall behind while they take on larger opportunities. Effective tactics include:

1)    Discussing a big picture perspective

     and how their efforts fit in accordingly

2)    Engaging them as to how they can

     better utilize their time and skills

3)    Identifying opportunities for encouragement, training, and projects

4)    Helping them focus on problem-solving rather than debating points.

Another group of coaching moments we encounter involve helping those who are unable to balance or manage their workloads well, including those exhibiting loafing or slacking behaviors. Ineffective approaches include deferring performance discussions, avoiding assigning them challenging tasks, and accepting constant excuses and patterns of inferior results. Appropriate effective tactics include:

1)    Defining and agreeing on priorities

2)    Mutually reviewing their workflow and limits

3)    Meeting regularly to follow-up on priorities

4)    Recognizing and praising accomplishments and progress

5)    Addressing performance issues promptly.

Some coaching moments involve issues with employees getting along with other co-workers. We do not want to patronize employees, rather we need to be honest about how these issues impact the work environment. Furthermore, we don’t want to reward inappropriate behavior by listening to constant gossip. Effective tactics include:

1)    Discussing effective conflict management approaches with employees having issues

2)    Using face-to-face interactions when possible, instead of electronic interactions, to facilitate communication and motivation

3)    Bringing these employees together to help them work out their issues

4)    Mutually agreeing on expectations for cooperation

5)    Guiding affected employees on options for more productive uses for their interpersonal energies.

 

Finally, we’ll look at coaching moments involving employees who do not accept negative feedback or criticism. We do not want to be general or avoid providing feedback in these opportunities, as they are not only ineffective approaches but they could backfire. We need to remain authentic, focused, and seek engagement during these coaching moments. Effective tactics include:

1)    Focusing on critical issues and providing specific details

2)    Explaining we are discussing their roles in processes as opposed to criticizing them as persons

3)    Setting expectations that they participate in identifying options and developing a response

4)    Engaging them in identifying issues and options, as well as executing solutions

5)    Following-up and acknowledging progress.

Click here to review Dan Rockwell’s informative blog post about essentials when giving negative feedback, as that provides additional insights to consider when tailoring your approach.

 

Although there are various types of coaching moments we face on a daily basis, we can still anticipate and leverage these opportunities to help improve self-awareness, share feedback, and provide encouragement so as to strengthen the critical links between day to day tasks and long term objectives.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

7 points for coaching colleagues: Breaking down barriers with even difficult peers

Many of us experience, or hear stories of, challenging colleagues making meetings longer, cornering us in hallways, elevators and even through instant messaging, and creating havoc at the water cooler. For instance, in the clip below from the movie “Office Space”, Milton corners Peter on the phone regarding various issues. More often, though, helping colleagues is not so dramatic, as they seek our input, feedback and encouragement. Breaking down barriers through clear communication and empathy is crucial to developing and sustaining relationships critical to being a successful team.

Relationships drive results, so understanding how to effectively adopt a coaching process to dealing with colleagues provides a supportive and collaborative process to identify, define, tackle and work through issues. Coaching colleagues facilitates a positive, inspiring and collaborative work culture and team orientation.

The dynamics of coaching colleagues are different than coaching subordinates or supervisors.  In all three cases, the goal of coaching is leveraging relationships to improve results by empowering those coached to take responsibility for solutions.  However, the coaching approach for peers integrates the coach’s role on the team as well into coaching process, as that affects how we manage conflict, communication, and provide feedback as well as encouragement.

Our role as coaches isn’t to take over issues, rather we should listen, ask and respond in ways that allow our colleagues to consider options and retain responsibility for the solutions. Questions, not statements, empower and guide them towards solutions. For instance instead of laying out options, consider asking them what they have done so far as well as what else they could do.

We can also use questions as a way of augmenting how we provide feedback, thus leveraging developmental opportunities.  Timing is everything, so effective feedback for peers builds upon a relationship involving frequent communication to recognize timely and relevant opportunities. The slides below guide how we can more effectively provide feedback.

 

 

The team element is important when coaching colleagues. Dr. Marie McIntyre identified six roles crucial to successful teams. Click here to review the roles she describes, as understanding these roles, especially as they relate to strengths and challenges, help us empathize  with and support colleagues more directly.

Below are seven points to consider when coaching colleagues:

1.       Focus on them instead of you. Listen and ask questions, but don’t direct or micromanage. It’s about relating to their needs and skills, so that they can own and tackle challenges.

2.       Be authentic. Clearly communicate your points, instead of generalizing, sugarcoating or being overly negative.

3.       Empathize. Listen first, engage, and seek to understand instead of judging.

4.       Recognize your right role on the team at the right time. Understand the strengths and challenges of your role so your team can become more collaborative and productive.

5.       Provide constructive feedback. It’s not about criticism, rather it’s about dealing with issues and

6.       Engage in day-to-day coaching instead of non-stop evaluation. Providing constant advice leads to micromanagement, and coworkers don’t typically appreciate non-stop evaluation.

7.       Coaching is not counseling. Coaching’s focus is on performance-related issues, but you should support coworkers by suggesting outside help when they disclose personal, non-work-related issues.

Managing relationships is so important to developing and sustain high-performance teams today. By taking a coaching approach towards managing issues with peers, you can leverage and strengthen relationships that impact mutual success.

What are your thoughts and experiences on coaching peers?

Empathize and confront: Six coaching tactics to deal with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace

Sometimes it manifests itself through drama in the workplace. At other times, you’ll see it through someone’s frequent non-action or, worse yet, pattern of not completing tasks correctly. Passive aggressive behaviors may push a workplace to the brink of being toxic, but there is still hope. Employees who have passive-aggressive behaviors can still be coached for success, as you can take constructive actions that support them changing from within to improve their productivity as well as relationships.

Oftentimes, the easy route for dealing with passive-aggressive employees is to give up on them, essentially treating them as “dead weight” that is expendable and replaceable. These employees are “not dead yet” to the extent you can still find leverage points to communicate with them and coach them through issues. Simply giving up on them is a costly approach, impairs productivity, disrupts the workplace, and can be passive-aggressive as well. Furthermore, your success in the workplace may well hinge on how well you manage and work with those who are passive aggressive, so having a roadmap for coaching through these behaviors is essential.

Understanding the roots and signs of a passive-aggressive behavior pattern is an important step that we need to take in order to empathize with these employees and help them begin taking actions to deal with these behaviors. Passive-aggressive behaviors often were learned as a child as a way to deal with anger, so to cope with anger, a passive-aggressive person begins to take actions that focus on getting even instead of working things out. It’s a highly defensive communication style that pushes others away, especially through negativity, resistance and confusion. Instead of dealing with anger and hostility, passive-aggressive behaviors are used to mask issues. It really is a form of learned helplessness, but coaching them to build communication and conflict-resolution skills fosters a more productive workplace.

According to Murphy and Hoff-Oberlin (2005), the following passive-aggressive behaviors are common:

1)      Creating drama or chaos

2)      Constantly making excuses and blaming others for chronic mistakes and poor performance

3)      Frequently being late or procrastinating, especially when it is at someone else’s expense

4)      Sabotaging, creating intentional obstructions and  forgetting items (either overtly or covertly) in order to “punish” others or push through their own agenda

5)      Speaking ambiguously, creating confusion that obscures dealing with their insecurities

6)      Using the “silent treatment” to avoid conflict.

Click here to review Psychology Today’s online guide about recognizing five levels of passive-aggressive behavior, as it provides more insight you can use when empathizing with employees.

So, how can you help someone realize their destructive patterns of behavior and build more productive coping strategies? This is a challenge, especially when someone may feel their behavior is harmless, but skill and honest communication are crucial. These are some tactics I use:

1)      Recognize when you are encountering a pattern, rather than isolated events, of passive-aggressive behavior

2)      Connect with those individuals using reflective listening, emphasizing with them, especially given the misplaced anger and circumstances that created the behavior

3)      Confront manipulation and dishonesty calmly but authentically, setting and modeling healthy boundaries and responses

4)      Communicate and collaborate on more effective ways for dealing with conflict, helping them develop EQ tactics

5)      Help them recognize and acknowledge their accomplishments authentically

6)      Guide them towards finding better ways for taking care of themselves, especially in terms of work-life balance and making healthy choices.

We can become better leaders through dealing with passive-aggressive behaviors more effectively. What are your thoughts and concerns? Let’s discuss and help improve our relationships and organizations.

Reference:

Murphy, T. and Hoff Oberlin, L. (2005). Overcoming passive aggression: how to stop hidden anger from spoiling your relationships, career and happiness. New York, NY: Marlow and Company.

Authentic 4 step process for coaching through bad news

“I have some good news and some bad news.” It’s a serious task often downplayed in television and movies, yet many managers and leaders spend their day communicating and dealing with news.  As constant change makes the organizational environment more unpredictable, how we deliver bad news and understand the emotional impacts affects trust, fear and focus, which could impair our organizations. Communicating bad news and coaching to move on effectively involves being authentic, candid, courageous and emotionally intelligent.

Communicating bad news is a dreaded but necessary task we often encounter, but getting through delivering the message is only part of the picture, as coaching through bad news helps us get to the positive and build that which is good. It’s a bigger picture approach that involves creating and maintaining a healthy environment for sharing news by building trust, understanding the common types of bad news and anticipating the emotional reaction, and executing a process to manage and coach through the bad news. A bigger picture approach is especially important as more organizations become increasingly virtual and e-coaching becomes more prevalent.

I have found out the hard way early on my career about ineffective approaches for dealing with bad news, and both those approaches backfired. One approach involved not communicating bad news- rather attempting to deal with it myself- which erodes trust and is selfish to the extent it put my needs ahead of others. Another approach involved spinning or sugarcoating the message, which diluted its impact as well as made me appear all over the place instead of focused on improvement.

Here is an effective process that engages employees, builds trust and helps us move from the bad news:

1)     Prepare and communicate one clear, consistent message. Getting to the point, without diluting or sandwiching the message between other items. Don’t say “I have bad news” or “I have some good news and some bad news”, rather, thank the audience for listening and be authentic. Don’t extend the process by dribbling out bad news, deliver it all so open communication can happen. Clarify and confirm the news and facts, anticipate questions for serious news.

2)     Be quiet and listen after you deliver the message. It’s about your audience, not you, so this gives them a chance to let the message sink in and acknowledge their feelings about it.

3)     Lead authentically. Be respectful of feelings, keep in mind this is a business problem where expressing concern but not blame is important. You want to empathize besides being assertive.

4)     Move on and follow-up. After delivering the message, listening and empathizing, focus on the positive and move on. This is an opportunity to monitor the issue and engage employees, moving forward with a mutual understanding and plan of action, building their confidence rather than micro-managing them.

As shown above, bad news requires skillful communication whether or not it is performance-related. Performance-related bad news is often related to missed expectations either at the group or individual level, and follows some sort of human resource protocol within the organization. The other type of bad news, situational bad news, involves changes or errors often beyond the direct control of the organization. In either type of bad news, the process above helps guide moving on effectively. Furthermore, understanding emotions and motivators helps anticipate the type of emotional reactions to bad news, so you can more fully empathize with employees. The slides below provide some guidance on anticipating emotional reactions.

Trust is a critical piece to dealing with and moving on from bad news. Communicating a clear message without trust is like walking through a minefield, according to Covey, Whitman and England (2009). They explained how important it to “move with the speed of trust”, as bickering in low-trust situations not only escalates problems but drags down performance. They provided three guidelines that help build a trusting organizational environment:

1)      Create transparency. Spin, clichés and politics erode trust; verifiable truths grow trust.

2)      Keep your commitments. Doing what you promised to do rebuilds trust, whereas poor follow-though impairs it.

3)      Extend trust to your team. Treating your team as trustworthy increases trust in you.

Successfully communicating and moving on from bad news involves a coaching process coupled with authentic, candid, emotionally intelligent behavior. It’s a recipe that affects trust and confidence crucial to your organization surviving especially given the constantly changing environment.

What are your thoughts?

Reference:

Covey, S, Whitman, B, and England, B. (2009).  Predictable results in unpredictable times: how to win in any environment. Salt Lake City, Utah: Franklin Covey.