Empathize and confront: Six coaching tactics to deal with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace

Sometimes it manifests itself through drama in the workplace. At other times, you’ll see it through someone’s frequent non-action or, worse yet, pattern of not completing tasks correctly. Passive aggressive behaviors may push a workplace to the brink of being toxic, but there is still hope. Employees who have passive-aggressive behaviors can still be coached for success, as you can take constructive actions that support them changing from within to improve their productivity as well as relationships.

Oftentimes, the easy route for dealing with passive-aggressive employees is to give up on them, essentially treating them as “dead weight” that is expendable and replaceable. These employees are “not dead yet” to the extent you can still find leverage points to communicate with them and coach them through issues. Simply giving up on them is a costly approach, impairs productivity, disrupts the workplace, and can be passive-aggressive as well. Furthermore, your success in the workplace may well hinge on how well you manage and work with those who are passive aggressive, so having a roadmap for coaching through these behaviors is essential.

Understanding the roots and signs of a passive-aggressive behavior pattern is an important step that we need to take in order to empathize with these employees and help them begin taking actions to deal with these behaviors. Passive-aggressive behaviors often were learned as a child as a way to deal with anger, so to cope with anger, a passive-aggressive person begins to take actions that focus on getting even instead of working things out. It’s a highly defensive communication style that pushes others away, especially through negativity, resistance and confusion. Instead of dealing with anger and hostility, passive-aggressive behaviors are used to mask issues. It really is a form of learned helplessness, but coaching them to build communication and conflict-resolution skills fosters a more productive workplace.

According to Murphy and Hoff-Oberlin (2005), the following passive-aggressive behaviors are common:

1)      Creating drama or chaos

2)      Constantly making excuses and blaming others for chronic mistakes and poor performance

3)      Frequently being late or procrastinating, especially when it is at someone else’s expense

4)      Sabotaging, creating intentional obstructions and  forgetting items (either overtly or covertly) in order to “punish” others or push through their own agenda

5)      Speaking ambiguously, creating confusion that obscures dealing with their insecurities

6)      Using the “silent treatment” to avoid conflict.

Click here to review Psychology Today’s online guide about recognizing five levels of passive-aggressive behavior, as it provides more insight you can use when empathizing with employees.

So, how can you help someone realize their destructive patterns of behavior and build more productive coping strategies? This is a challenge, especially when someone may feel their behavior is harmless, but skill and honest communication are crucial. These are some tactics I use:

1)      Recognize when you are encountering a pattern, rather than isolated events, of passive-aggressive behavior

2)      Connect with those individuals using reflective listening, emphasizing with them, especially given the misplaced anger and circumstances that created the behavior

3)      Confront manipulation and dishonesty calmly but authentically, setting and modeling healthy boundaries and responses

4)      Communicate and collaborate on more effective ways for dealing with conflict, helping them develop EQ tactics

5)      Help them recognize and acknowledge their accomplishments authentically

6)      Guide them towards finding better ways for taking care of themselves, especially in terms of work-life balance and making healthy choices.

We can become better leaders through dealing with passive-aggressive behaviors more effectively. What are your thoughts and concerns? Let’s discuss and help improve our relationships and organizations.

Reference:

Murphy, T. and Hoff Oberlin, L. (2005). Overcoming passive aggression: how to stop hidden anger from spoiling your relationships, career and happiness. New York, NY: Marlow and Company.