Coaching is different than mentoring: Understanding the style and listening differences

Coaching fits in well with a systems/process view of work, as effective coaching
not only leads to performance and business results gains, but also improvements
in relating to team members as well as encouraging continuous improvement.
Coaching is the core of both continuous improvement and professional
development, as managing relationships improves both efficiency and
effectiveness, since it links the people-based elements with the task-based
elements within the process.

Oftentimes, I’ve heard in practice coaching and mentoring used as
interchangeable terms, as they both impact professional development, although
there are clear differences- namely approach, temporal, and leader involvement.
It is not usual to find that someone plays the role of both a coach and mentor,
but coaching requires skills beyond that of mentoring (Dalakoura, 2009).
Coaching involves a different mode of listening compared to mentoring, as
employees need guidance  in raising their own self-awareness and  motivation,
which goes beyond the knowledge and experience shared in mentoring (Hicks and
McCracken (2009).

Listening to employees is crucial in guiding my decisions in choosing between
the three types of coaching I apply in my position: performance coaching,
behavioral coaching and developmental coaching; these choices impact how
employees' leadership development is applied at the line level. Self-development
is a major advantage of coaching. Dalakoura (2009) stated this self-development
is important, as it promotes continuous learning, and it's not just a matter of
leaders themselves initiating development, but development is encouraged by
employees, other managers and HR leaders as part of a system. Coaching is a tool
that helps others succeed, as Berg and Karlsen (2007) explained, since it
fosters self-confidence and contributing to actions that create results; thus,
coaching is action-oriented. They went on to state coaching challenges employees
to develop their personal goals, strategies, and achieve results now and in the
future, supporting- but not directing- employees.

Whereas coaching techniques involve guiding employees by clarifying ambivalence,
finding exceptions and summarizing, which fosters employees' self-discovery, 
mentoring involves giving advice based primarily on the mentor's own experience,
values and beliefs  (Hicks and McCracken, 2009). MacLennan (1995) explained
coaching is a relationship with someone to learn with, whereas mentoring is a
relationship with someone to learn from. Also, MacLennan made a distinction in
the level of involvement, as he stated no one can unknowingly be a coach,
whereas someone can unknowingly be a mentor. Although coaching can last for
extended periods, it is in practice temporary, and mentoring is often a
long-term approach used to sustain the gains from coaching.
What are your thoughts?
 
References:

Berg, M. E., & Karlsen, J. T. (2007). Mental models in project management
coaching. Engineering Management Journal, 19(3), 3-13. Retrieved from
http://search.proquest.com/docview/208964459?accountid=29086?accountid=29086

Dalakoura, A. (2010). Differentiating leader and leadership development. The
Journal of Management Development, 29(5), 432-441. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1108/02621711011039204

Hicks, R., & McCracken, J. (2009). Mentoring vs. coaching-do you know the
difference? Physician Executive, 35(4), 71-73. Retrieved from
http://search.proquest.com/docview/200000273?accountid=29086?accountid=29086

MacLennan, N. (1995). Coaching and mentoring. Brookfield, VT: Gower.

Empathize and confront: Six coaching tactics to deal with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace

Sometimes it manifests itself through drama in the workplace. At other times, you’ll see it through someone’s frequent non-action or, worse yet, pattern of not completing tasks correctly. Passive aggressive behaviors may push a workplace to the brink of being toxic, but there is still hope. Employees who have passive-aggressive behaviors can still be coached for success, as you can take constructive actions that support them changing from within to improve their productivity as well as relationships.

Oftentimes, the easy route for dealing with passive-aggressive employees is to give up on them, essentially treating them as “dead weight” that is expendable and replaceable. These employees are “not dead yet” to the extent you can still find leverage points to communicate with them and coach them through issues. Simply giving up on them is a costly approach, impairs productivity, disrupts the workplace, and can be passive-aggressive as well. Furthermore, your success in the workplace may well hinge on how well you manage and work with those who are passive aggressive, so having a roadmap for coaching through these behaviors is essential.

Understanding the roots and signs of a passive-aggressive behavior pattern is an important step that we need to take in order to empathize with these employees and help them begin taking actions to deal with these behaviors. Passive-aggressive behaviors often were learned as a child as a way to deal with anger, so to cope with anger, a passive-aggressive person begins to take actions that focus on getting even instead of working things out. It’s a highly defensive communication style that pushes others away, especially through negativity, resistance and confusion. Instead of dealing with anger and hostility, passive-aggressive behaviors are used to mask issues. It really is a form of learned helplessness, but coaching them to build communication and conflict-resolution skills fosters a more productive workplace.

According to Murphy and Hoff-Oberlin (2005), the following passive-aggressive behaviors are common:

1)      Creating drama or chaos

2)      Constantly making excuses and blaming others for chronic mistakes and poor performance

3)      Frequently being late or procrastinating, especially when it is at someone else’s expense

4)      Sabotaging, creating intentional obstructions and  forgetting items (either overtly or covertly) in order to “punish” others or push through their own agenda

5)      Speaking ambiguously, creating confusion that obscures dealing with their insecurities

6)      Using the “silent treatment” to avoid conflict.

Click here to review Psychology Today’s online guide about recognizing five levels of passive-aggressive behavior, as it provides more insight you can use when empathizing with employees.

So, how can you help someone realize their destructive patterns of behavior and build more productive coping strategies? This is a challenge, especially when someone may feel their behavior is harmless, but skill and honest communication are crucial. These are some tactics I use:

1)      Recognize when you are encountering a pattern, rather than isolated events, of passive-aggressive behavior

2)      Connect with those individuals using reflective listening, emphasizing with them, especially given the misplaced anger and circumstances that created the behavior

3)      Confront manipulation and dishonesty calmly but authentically, setting and modeling healthy boundaries and responses

4)      Communicate and collaborate on more effective ways for dealing with conflict, helping them develop EQ tactics

5)      Help them recognize and acknowledge their accomplishments authentically

6)      Guide them towards finding better ways for taking care of themselves, especially in terms of work-life balance and making healthy choices.

We can become better leaders through dealing with passive-aggressive behaviors more effectively. What are your thoughts and concerns? Let’s discuss and help improve our relationships and organizations.

Reference:

Murphy, T. and Hoff Oberlin, L. (2005). Overcoming passive aggression: how to stop hidden anger from spoiling your relationships, career and happiness. New York, NY: Marlow and Company.

Authentic 4 step process for coaching through bad news

“I have some good news and some bad news.” It’s a serious task often downplayed in television and movies, yet many managers and leaders spend their day communicating and dealing with news.  As constant change makes the organizational environment more unpredictable, how we deliver bad news and understand the emotional impacts affects trust, fear and focus, which could impair our organizations. Communicating bad news and coaching to move on effectively involves being authentic, candid, courageous and emotionally intelligent.

Communicating bad news is a dreaded but necessary task we often encounter, but getting through delivering the message is only part of the picture, as coaching through bad news helps us get to the positive and build that which is good. It’s a bigger picture approach that involves creating and maintaining a healthy environment for sharing news by building trust, understanding the common types of bad news and anticipating the emotional reaction, and executing a process to manage and coach through the bad news. A bigger picture approach is especially important as more organizations become increasingly virtual and e-coaching becomes more prevalent.

I have found out the hard way early on my career about ineffective approaches for dealing with bad news, and both those approaches backfired. One approach involved not communicating bad news- rather attempting to deal with it myself- which erodes trust and is selfish to the extent it put my needs ahead of others. Another approach involved spinning or sugarcoating the message, which diluted its impact as well as made me appear all over the place instead of focused on improvement.

Here is an effective process that engages employees, builds trust and helps us move from the bad news:

1)     Prepare and communicate one clear, consistent message. Getting to the point, without diluting or sandwiching the message between other items. Don’t say “I have bad news” or “I have some good news and some bad news”, rather, thank the audience for listening and be authentic. Don’t extend the process by dribbling out bad news, deliver it all so open communication can happen. Clarify and confirm the news and facts, anticipate questions for serious news.

2)     Be quiet and listen after you deliver the message. It’s about your audience, not you, so this gives them a chance to let the message sink in and acknowledge their feelings about it.

3)     Lead authentically. Be respectful of feelings, keep in mind this is a business problem where expressing concern but not blame is important. You want to empathize besides being assertive.

4)     Move on and follow-up. After delivering the message, listening and empathizing, focus on the positive and move on. This is an opportunity to monitor the issue and engage employees, moving forward with a mutual understanding and plan of action, building their confidence rather than micro-managing them.

As shown above, bad news requires skillful communication whether or not it is performance-related. Performance-related bad news is often related to missed expectations either at the group or individual level, and follows some sort of human resource protocol within the organization. The other type of bad news, situational bad news, involves changes or errors often beyond the direct control of the organization. In either type of bad news, the process above helps guide moving on effectively. Furthermore, understanding emotions and motivators helps anticipate the type of emotional reactions to bad news, so you can more fully empathize with employees. The slides below provide some guidance on anticipating emotional reactions.

Trust is a critical piece to dealing with and moving on from bad news. Communicating a clear message without trust is like walking through a minefield, according to Covey, Whitman and England (2009). They explained how important it to “move with the speed of trust”, as bickering in low-trust situations not only escalates problems but drags down performance. They provided three guidelines that help build a trusting organizational environment:

1)      Create transparency. Spin, clichés and politics erode trust; verifiable truths grow trust.

2)      Keep your commitments. Doing what you promised to do rebuilds trust, whereas poor follow-though impairs it.

3)      Extend trust to your team. Treating your team as trustworthy increases trust in you.

Successfully communicating and moving on from bad news involves a coaching process coupled with authentic, candid, emotionally intelligent behavior. It’s a recipe that affects trust and confidence crucial to your organization surviving especially given the constantly changing environment.

What are your thoughts?

Reference:

Covey, S, Whitman, B, and England, B. (2009).  Predictable results in unpredictable times: how to win in any environment. Salt Lake City, Utah: Franklin Covey.

A 3 part process for developmental coaching: Going beyond “management by fear” and numbers

Coaching conversations, rather than algorithms, drive optimizing employee performance, especially when we use the developmental coaching approach for improving the performance of employees who are performing at least satisfactorily. Valuing the people that drive your organization goes beyond statistical purity to developing and sustaining relationships that involve developing skills and abilities, building trust and sharing knowledge. This helps manage employees as brand ambassadors in social media as well, as the corporate reputation online often rests upon how an organization builds relationships with its employees internally.

 

The developmental coaching approach focuses on conversations and actions that make employees successful, especially in their career development. Besides helping employees discover and maximize what they do well, it also involves helping them develop and maintain a positive attitude about themselves- which then inspires others to have confidence in them as well.  Furthermore, developmental coaching could be used to help them become more aware of their emotional intelligence and how their behaviors and reactions affect other people, as they can discover and improve opportunities to adapt their behaviors and actions based on other people’s needs and the situation.
 

The success of organizations rests upon how we develop employees. If employees are focusing on short term performance rather than long term success, your organization is falling into a “management by fear” trap identified by Deming where employees dread performance reviews and the organization lean towards formal performance reviews to inform employees about how they are doing (Walton, 1986).  This point becomes critical given how social networking, particularly online, influences organizational performance today. It creates an organizational culture bent on rushing instead of continuous improvement, which holds back not only the development of employees, but the overall organization as well.

In his blog post “Work harder, longer, faster, or smarter?”, Chris Merrington  (2013) explained how rushing results from how employees manage their workloads given expectation for more results in an environment of less time and support. Eventually, this rushing impairs the quality of work (best ideas are replaced by first ideas) and makes mistakes more likely (which affects costs and images).
 

Rushing does not have to be the norm, as we can take a developmental coaching approach towards helping employees balance their workload demands. The Power Point below goes over recognizing developmental coaching cues we often find in employee conversations, which is important since they provide coaching opportunities. Developmental coaching conversations help provide regular, consistent feedback and steer employees towards continuously improving long term.

Developmental coaching is about asking and listening to employees’ ideas, and working with them on a strategy to execute and evaluate their progress. It’s not about giving them ideas, as that could make them feel micromanaged. It is about helping them discover and execute on their ideas.

I use the following three part process to help guide my developmental coaching conversations:

1.     Determine: You’ll want to set the stage for analyzing the need by agreeing on the expectation for the developmental coaching with the employee, including that you are here to listen rather than prescribe. This stage focuses on helping them discover needs through asking and listening. It is crucial for you to listen first in order to understand and build the trust to get at the heart of the real issues for development.

2.      Act: Once the cause has been isolated, the employee and you can collaborate on how to deal with the gap, including how to practice and build upon what they have learned.

3.      Evaluate: You’ll want to discuss and agree on how to assess progress through a follow-up plan.

In summary, developmental coaching is about observing, listening and helping the employee analyze opportunities. What are your thoughts?

References:

Merrington, C. (2013, Oct 16). Work harder, longer, faster, or smarter? [blog]. Management-issues.com. Retrieved from http://www.management-issues.com/opinion/6777/work-harder-longer-faster-or-smarter/

Walton, M. (1986). The Deming Management Method. New York: Perigee Books.